Hi y’all! (oh sometimes I say y’all now) It’s been a while since I’ve been around so some updates might be in order.
About a year ago we moved to the lone star state of Texas! Yeeehaaw!
Actually it’s not nearly as country as we thought it would be. The Dallas area is a very diverse place and a bit of a melting pot due to all the companies that have moved their employees here from other states. One of the first things I noticed though was the frequency that people use the word “y’all” in everyday conversation. I’m used to only hearing it as an exclamation such as “y’all come back now!” It took me back a little hearing someone use it in a casual way like “take a right at the light and get on the highway. That might be the best way for y’all.”
Besides “y’all” and getting used to the busy highways I do notice they take that lone star pretty seriously here. It’s everywhere! Even carved into the front of the Walmart! And don’t get me started on how many Walmart’s there are! There are most likely at least 7 or 8 Walmart’s within a 15 mile radius of us!
Anyways we do love it here! There’s so much going on and always so much to do and things to try out, especially the food! But don’t get me started on that either. LOL
As a sad side note our oldest son Tre’ decided to stay living in Michigan and not come with us to Texas. He was 18 then (19 now) and all his friends were there and his grandma bribed him with a new car so that’s that.
I woke up this morning to the sound of Eli crying
“Dad! Micah broke my LEGO’s all up!”
Then the tears started “Why would he do that??”
“Why would he be so mean? My favorite LEGO’s! My Star Wars LEGO’s!”
And more loud crying. Feelings hurt type of crying.
I looked down and sure enough his Darth Vader transformation LEGO set was in a hundred pieces… I reassured him “Bud, I can put it back together for you. I still have the instructions. It’ll be ok.”
Eli continued, “Why is Micah so mean to me? I think maybe he thinks that they are his LEGO’s and he wanted to play with them… I think maybe he just thinks that they are his… Can we put my LEGO’s in Eunissa’s room so Micah doesn’t break them and think they’re his?”
I looked over at Micah and I know he wasn’t intentionally being mean… he was just playing with them. I am thankful that Eli loves and knows his brother enough to know and assume that he wasn’t trying to actually be mean to him on purpose.
I looked Micah in the face and said, “Micah no. You don’t touch those.”
Even though Micah can’t talk and is always stimming I always assume and know that he understands what it is I’m saying. It’s an easy thing to fall into thinking or assuming that he doesn’t understand since he cannot speak.
Then came the part that left me a little broken inside.
“Dad, can God use magic to heal Micah and make him be able to talk one day?”
“Well it isn’t magic bud.”
“Well, God just uses power? Can he use His power and heal Micah and make him talk so he won’t accidentally break my LEGO’s anymore?”
My 7 year old is asking me philosophical and faith based questions that I’ve struggled with for years now as an Autism parent. I’m thinking “what is happening right now?” All I know is that I had better answer this wisely.
“I don’t know buddy. God can but sometimes it just takes time… just keep praying for Micah ok? Maybe one day…”
As a youth leader and as a parent… I’ve learned that there’s times when you just have to be real and be authentic and be vulnerable and know that it’s ok to say the words, “I don’t know”.
If we knew, it would not be faith.
Our faith is the evidence we need.
With everything that’s happened with Micah. I’ve almost lost my faith many times. Is there even a God? Why would God allow this? Why doesn’t he heal my son?
I can’t speak for anyone else but myself or judge or condemn anyone for having unbelief. I get it. However for me? I have no proof. I just choose to not let go of my faith. I don’t understand it. But I have and continue to make the choice to believe that God exists and that He loves us and that he does want the best for us even though the best isn’t always what we seem to get. It’s simply a choice. A choice to believe and a choice to live and to love.
To look for the good through the bad. I have my wife and my kids and we are happy and we love each other. Through all this. Through the Autism, my own Aspergers, struggles and heartache, depression and anxiety and trying like Hell to find a balance. I’ve developed a strong empathy for those going through tough times and similar circumstances.
Rich Mullins quotes scripture in his song “In the world you will have trouble, but I leave you my peace that where I Am there you may also be.”
1 Peter 1:7 says “These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.”
Until next time! May the Force be with you!