Stories of Autism: A poop story

Hi there! It’s me again, Michael. I’m so glad to see you back again!

If the header of this particular blog is what hooked you in, I promise you will not be disappointed!

As I said before in the introductory blog “there will be poop stories” and this one is a doozy!!

I figure there’ll be plenty of time and opportunity to talk about the struggles of Autism as there’s no lack in that department. So I’m going to start out with a good old fashioned poop story. Because let me just say from all the Autism parents I’ve ever met and talked with there is one thing we all have in common. We all have a good poop story!!

I mean don’t get me wrong. When it happens in the moment there is absolutely nothing good about it, and it might take a day or two or a week but we usually always look back and laugh. And somehow the worse it is the more we wear it as a badge of honor. A big brown badge! Like, I’ve been to war. I’ve been through the Autism trenches. Ya’ll typical parents have no idea!  We Autism parents got game!

To start this story off we’ll have to go back to about 2012 I believe. Micah was about 3 or 4 and we had just moved to a new town in a new house due to Jessica’s work. These were the beginnings of us learning, dealing and excepting the fact that Micah was not neurotypical. We had just gotten our new Doctor who is a Osteopath and suggests a more natural approach to medicine when possible. Without getting into the medical side of things, he suggested that we put Micah on a gluten free/dairy free diet to see if that would help his brain develop healthier (which it did).

So here we are on this exciting new journey of going gluten and dairy free for Micah.

Now most Autism parents have children that are quite picky. They will only eat a handful of foods and that is ALL they will eat… like ever, and Micah is no different. And don’t get me started on when other parents try and offer unsolicited advice on how I could get him to eat more. I know what he’ll eat and what he won’t eat. I try and continue to introduce new foods but I’m not about to invite a meltdown for no reason.

Some of Micah’s favorite foods are Pizza, Nuggets, Fries and pretty much any kind of chip especially Nacho Cheese Doritos…. with their damn red powder getting all over… oh, sorry… where were we? Ah yes! Pizza!

Pizza is his favorite so naturally we went to the store and got him some gluten free pizza!  What no one told us was that the gluten free kind requires you to take out a second mortgage on your house to afford to buy them! Well… you know…

Now mind you this was at a point when Micah was still in a high chair. So we opened the box, heated it up in the oven and presto! We have this tiny thin gluten free pizza! And to our surprise he actually ate it… Yay! A win!

Now Micah pretty much always left a mess on his high chair tray but I noticed he was done and still had a piece sitting there. I was really curios what gluten free pizza would taste like (later I’d find it’s pretty much pizza with less flavor and a weird after taste). So I reached down, picked it up and took and nice size bite.

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Now I was no expert but I really didn’t think the texture would be so grainy…

Almost like chewing on sand…

Then I smelled it…

I looked down at Micah and my horror I noticed he had brown on his hands… on his mouth… and all over the high chair tray…

Once my brain synced with what was going on in my mouth the smell turned to taste and I realized that this pizza had a surprise topping!!!

Now if you’ve ever gone #2 or changed a poopy diaper you know how bad it can smell!

Now imagine that literally in your freaking mouth!!!

I screamed, “Baaaaabe!!!!! Baaaaabe OH MY GOD!! COME QUICK!!!” to Jessica.
She came running down and as soon as she got there I was just like, “Oh my God I ate the pizza and it had poop on it!!!!! Take care of him I have to go the bathroom oh my God!!!”

I got to the bathroom and rinsed and rinsed and brushed and brushed and gargled peroxide… and then brushed some more… and repeat.

I swear for at least a week even though the poop was cleaned out of my mouth, just the memory of it would make me nauseous…

And there you have it. My first poop story on the blog is now on the books!

I hope this never happens to you but if it does I can safely say that I’ve been through it and there is life afterwards. You can still go on to live a semi-normal and happy existence.

Until next time, they may take our taste buds but they will never take our freedom!
Daddy Genius

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